Final Words (Tricia)

Well, today was my last Sunday as worship leader at St.James United. I am still the minister, but now I am officially on maternity leave. I thought I would post my final sermon, just so you know what I had to say. Just so you know, the baby has been quite active these past few days and I have been experiencing more and more Braxton Hicks contractions...so I know the body is gearing up for the big event! Anyway, here is the sermon! Enjoy...

I spent a lot of time this week thinking about what it is that I wanted to say to you on my last worship as leader. In my mind this was supposed to be an easy reflection to write: speak a little bit about change, talk about all the good stuff that has happened and will happen, and then speak amazing words of wisdom that would carry you into the transitions that are going to take place. Alas, as most things, it is easier said than done. Or in this case, easier thought than said. This reflection has been started about ten different times, each time offering more and more frustration.

I think one of the problems is the fact that I have too much roaming around in my head, words and thoughts that need to be spoken and yet, somehow, just don’t make it out in the right way. I guess seeing that I only have a week and a bit left to my due date, I should use my pregnancy excuse as much as I can, while I can. However, it’s more than that. It’s the fact that I am gone but not really gone, which in itself is confusing. I am going to be around town, living in the manse but not doing all the usual ministry stuff that I do. I won’t be standing in the pulpit… in fact, I will likely be sitting in one of the back pews worshipping with you all. I won’t be in the office, in fact all my books and stuff will be gone. And yet, I am still your minister just on maternity leave. So do I say all my good-bye type things today or do I wait until October when I am really no longer the minister of this pastoral charge?

So I think I will do a little bit of both –some reflection on the future and some saying good-bye stuff. That sounds like a good compromise to my brain.

These last two years have been gift to me. Being with you and growing with you has allowed me to change and develop in ways I never expected. When I arrived here, I was absolutely nervous and scared… what if you didn’t like me? What if the things I tried failed? The What If’s dwelled in my mind until the day I came to move in and I found the group of St. James Movers standing in the drive way. And heck, who wouldn’t feel welcome when the town throws a parade on the same weekend you move in. I almost thought it was for me, but then I heard about this swinging bridge being rebuilt and realized I was only dreaming. A girl can dream can’t she, especially when there has been a parade each summer that I have been here!

Coming straight from seminary, fresh blood you might say, I know I was vulnerable to the temptation of trying too many new things too fast. Despite my eagerness to do all these wonderful new things, I didn’t give in to the temptation. We tried new things slowly and as I tried different things I was relieved and overjoyed to find out that you really were interested in what I was offering.

More than worship, bible studies, faith studies, board meetings, youth movie nights, more than the programming pieces I did, it was the interactions with each of you on a personal level that offered me the opportunity to become more comfortable in my role and allowed changes to bloom. Through you I learned that being a solo minister in a small town definitely has its rewards… the extra weight I put on is a testament to that. You have allowed me the privilege of becoming part of your lives. You have shared your stories, good and bad. You have allowed me to sit beside you in the hospital, at home and at the care home. You have entrusted me with planning and leading of funerals, weddings and baptisms. Through you, I have been affirmed and supported in my work in this pastoral charge. I never worried that I wasn’t cared for or thought about. There was always someone there to check in on me, and see how things were going, especially during the hardest times.

And in return, I have become more confident in my ability to be present for you, to offer prayers of comfort and support, and to speak loudly about the presence of God in this community of faith. I moved from being that scared brand new minister to a fairly capable leader fulfilling her call. Thanks to you, I have changed from being a city girl simply working in the prairies, to being a prairie girl living and working in a place that she loves. Yeah, I will complain about the weather, but I have learned that really, regardless of my relationship with God, I have no control over it. I, like everyone else, simply shrug my shoulders and chalk it up to living on in Saskatchewan.

There have been so many other things I have had the opportunity to experience. For one thing, tis better to follow the instructions of the UCW catering ladies than to try to strike out on your own. Never fear about quantity of food at a potluck, there is always, miraculously enough. Thirteen teenagers do not fit comfortably in the living room of the manse. No, the furnace ducts should not sound like dishwashers. If you feed them, they will come. There are people in the congregation who do spend more time at the church than I do! Getting the congregation to moo like cows is far easier than getting them to answer my questions during sermon time. The work of this church goes far beyond these four walls. We truly are a community that supports and loves each other, most of the time. This is a congregation rich with gifts… both used behind the scenes and up front. History is important. This congregation has an incredible ability to show support and affirmation in so many ways, not just to the minister (who truly needs it sometimes) but also each other. Sticky notes will not stick when you need them to. The list goes on. But most importantly, the Holy Spirit dances in this place, and finds life through all of you –through all that you do both here in the church and in the wider community.

I am fully aware that this Sunday marks a change for you and I. After this week, my role in this community shifts as I enter into maternity leave and no longer offer leadership in the way that I have been. I know, from personal experience, that change can be both positive and negative. For me, change can be a scary thing and I have seen a lot of it in the last little while. I like things the way they are –that way I am comfortable, and have my routines. I know where to shop, where to eat, how to get where I am going. Change shakes all that up and leaves me disoriented.

I think, that for us as a congregation, this change that is taking place is more positive than negative. Yes, there are hard parts. We have to say good-bye, and that is hard to do when we have built such a good relationship. You as a community are entering into a time of unknown. You are sharing ministry with Grenfell, and you have lay leadership for Sunday mornings. But that is all you know right now. Whatever happens in September is in God’s hands. Scared? I don’t think you should be. Think of this time as an adventure, an opportunity to explore and to get to know yourself as a congregation a little bit better.

You are entering a journeying time. I know those who are on the committees doing the work of finding a new minister may not necessarily be having a good time on this journey but it is beneficial. You are a strong congregation… yes, an older congregation with smaller numbers but you are strong. I have seen you work. During this time you get to dream and vision and plan. You can take the time to listen for God’s voice, see where that is calling you. It takes a certain level of trust, seeing that you don’t know who you will be calling to your pulpit and your faith lives. Again, I don’t think that this is a bad thing. You have had some excellent ministry leadership come through your doors, all without you fully knowing what you are getting.

So I encourage you to live into the hope and potential of the changes ahead of you. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, especially as I embark on my own major changes. As I think about the littlest Gerhard that is about to join the world, I go through many of the same emotions that you are. I am scared, apprehensive, thrilled and excited. As you know, I have never done this before. But I have been held up by the fact that I am surrounded by folks who have been there before, and who are willing to offer any help and wisdom they can. You have made these past nine months easier for me, and as I think about the next few months, I know that I will be able to struggle through gracefully because I have such an amazing base of support and knowledge to draw from. It’s not every child that is born in to a group of potential grandparents and supporters. It makes my heart sing to know how loved this child will be; not only by David and myself, but also hopefully by all of you.

Leaving here will not be easy, which is why I am not really going to talk about it. I don’t fully go until October when you release me from my covenant. For now, I get to live among you and share the joy of our lives with you in a very different way. I get to sit in the pews, I get to just be for a little while.

What I do know is that you have worked your way into my heart. This is my community, a place where I am comfortable and happy. So the prospect of leaving breaks my heart. But I know that it is the right choice for us at the moment.

Like I said earlier, you are a gift from God to me and to David. I do not regret coming here and I give thanks for all that you have offered me in the last few years. I know that God has richly blessed this community with an amazing variety of people and skills. Know that as you search and dream, God goes with you empowering you to do what is needed for the church in the community. God will always be with you, causing you to dance and to embrace your faith as fully and joyfully as you can. I have felt and seen God’s spirit here, and rejoice in the fact that you will continue to find life through each other and with God.

I am not sure that I can say much more, at least not without my hormones completely taking over. I am proud of you and of who you are. I am more than pleased to have been able to share this part of my life with such an amazing group of people. Never let God’s music leave your hearts and may you always sing a new song to God. thank you so very much.