Unhappiness

Little red rimmed eyes, running snot, pitiful and heartbreaking chest cough, and teeth. These things all add up to a somewhat sorrowful looking little girl. Sophia is still struggling with the cold she had last week. I thought she was getting better, but I was mistaken. Even though she has all these symptoms she continues to smile and play, particularly with Grandma and Grandpa Mantel, who are here for a visit.

She is daytime cheery and night time frustrated. Last night was the worst we had had in a very long time. She went down at her normal time of 8:30 pm, slept for two and a bit hours and got up for her top up feed. Firstly, she wasn't expecting her daddy to come and get her, so that made her unhappy. Then, finally when the food supply dragged her butt out of bed, Sophia ate and tried to settle but for some reason couldn't. This lead to a two hour full on meltdown... tears, sobbing, gasping, snot, drool and red face. We tried everything: tylenol, ovol, new pjs, diaper change, water, and playing. Eventually, she started rubbing her eyes and calming down to the point where I could cuddle and rock her, getting her to fall asleep and stay that way for several hours.

Now, all the books I have read on sleep issues say that parents shouldn't get frustrated or angry or upset when their baby can't or won't sleep. It's nothing personal, the experts say. But what parent can keep from feeling completely helpless and mildly frustrated when their precious little one is crying non-stop and can't tell you what is wrong. Yes, I was frustrated, angry and definately helpless feeling. All I could do was try to comfort Sophia as she cried and try to make sure that she knew that I was trying my very best.

It was a humbling experience, one that I know will repeat itself a couple more times, but deep in my heart I know that the little life I hold in my arms, no matter how red her face may be, loves me and looks to me for all that she needs. In the end, the cuddling of a completely trusting sleeping baby is reward enough.